Monday, 23 March - A Tidal Wave Of Arrangments

Monday, 23 March - A Tidal Wave Of Arrangements

When I got up at 7.00 a.m. and it was clear Mum had died, I rang Wendy; she answered immediately. She is very sensitive and knew her Grandma could pass at any time, so she was ready to drive over at once. She arrived very quickly; being so early, there was little traffic.

I rang 111, and held on for nearly an hour, but when there was still no answer, I dialled 999, and got through to the Ambulance Service.

I explained what had happened; Mum had died, and that it was an expected death. I had to smile, because the next question - which I knew the controller had to ask - was

"Is the patient still breathing?"

"No," I said, "My Mum's dead....."

and the lady said someone would be with us very quickly.

Within a few minutes, a Paramedic called Emma arrived; and I shall be writing to the Ambulance Service to praise her. She was kind, understanding, patient, professional - a perfect example of how you would expect someone to carry out all the checks that had to be done but without losing sight of the family who had just lost someone dear to them.

She ran all the tests on Mum - an ECG, checking her pulse, heart, pupils, and temperature; Mum was down to 28 degrees, and that was cold. She put Mum's time of death as 9.05 a.m.

I had also called Home Sweet Home Care, and asked if our regular ladies would be available to attend to Mum? Of course they were, and Vicky, Stacey and Carly arrived to wash and dress Mum for the last time. They - and we - ended up in tears. It's hard for everyone, and especially our lovely carers, when someone they have tended to so carefully and lovingly for so many years, dies.

Whilst Mum was being cared for, Emma went to her car and wrote up all the paperwork. She also tried to contact the Doctor, but couldn't get an answer; she went to the Surgery, but no-one answered the door. We know it is very difficult with the virus causing everything to go into lockdown, but nothing was too much trouble for Emma. Eventually, we managed to get through to the other Surgery, and they assured us people were definitely working in the one closest to us. Eventually Emma spoke to someone there, and requested a visit from Mum's GP so that she could provide a death certificate.

She gave us a folder with all the information she had written about Mum in it; there was information about people and organisations we could contact if we needed help and advice, and people to speak to if we wanted to talk about spiritual matters. There was no rush and she stayed with us until she was sure we were o.k and had everything we needed.

In the meantime, Vicky, Carly and Stacey had dressed Mum in a lovely clean peach nightie; they had combed her hair, and put in two pretty slides, one on each side. Mum looked so peaceful, lying on the pillows, and I saw how they tenderly placed a tissue under her chin as well. We used to do that, in case Mum had some phlegm in the night; she always had a tissue if she needed it.

We said prayers round Mum's bed, and presently, Vicky, Carly and Stacey had to leave; life goes on....

We had a cup of tea and some cornflakes.

Dr Banerjee arrived at about 1.30, and confirmed Mum had died, at the time when she had seen Mum. With my certainty that Mum passed at 1.00 a.m. when I saw her in the early hours this morning, it means there is a total of three opinions when Mum died; she would have found this highly amusing.

Whatever time is officially decided upon, I know Mum was gently fading for some time, but it is still hard. It is a sad time we have to go through.

Because Dr Banerjee hadn't seen Mum in the past 2 weeks, when she returned to the surgery, she had to check with the Coroner to confirm he was happy for her to issue a death certificate. Dr Banerjee called us shortly afterwards, to say all was well; we could collect the certificate straight away.

When Grandma died in 1985, out in Durban, we had her body flown back to England. We have a family grave in Kirkdale Cemetery in Liverpool, and this is where her eldest son, Austin, was buried in 1938; her husband, Mum's father, died in 1943, and we knew Grandma would want to be laid to rest with her family.

Walter Craven, Funeral Directors in Liverpool, organised everything beautifully for us. They collected her from the airport and made all the arrangements for us to meet the Vicar at St Cyprian's Church, where my Grandma used to worship when she was a girl - (and where she met Ernie Lewis, her first great love!) - so it would be lovely if we could hold Mum's service there as well, it would give us a strong thread of continuity.

A week or so ago, I rang Walter Craven and said, when the time came to arrange Mum's funeral, I would ask them to conduct it; the gentleman I spoke to found the card with everything they had done for Grandma 35 years ago, so they had a fair idea of what we would like for Mum. I also asked, if problems with travel continued for any length of time, would they be able to help us to postpone the funeral, if necessary? and I was assured that could be arranged.

Today, then, was the time, then, to make another phone call to Walter Craven, and set the arrangements for Mum's funeral in motion. With tighter restrictions in place, I knew it could not take place for perhaps 3 months, but to my dismay, Walter Craven now said the longest they could hold Mum for, was 3 weeks! With all the problems we are experiencing with the virus, clearly that would not be long enough. We can't do the funeral in one day; there is nowhere we could stay in Liverpool, that can serve us food, so it would be impossible to stay overnight.  I was somewhat horrified when the suggestion was made that we could have Mum cremated, or have a burial without anyone present, other than a vicar.  That was not our wish at all, and certainly not what Mum would have wanted. We are very prepared to wait.

Then I rang a local Funeral Directors, West and Coe, and within 20 minutes, they had set my mind at rest.

They would come and collect Mum in about an hour or so; they would embalm her, and look after her for 3 months to start with, and longer if need be. When, eventually, all the problems created by this virus are eased, and travel restrictions are over, we can arrange a proper funeral for Mum in Liverpool. We will ask Walter Craven to deal with the Liverpool end of the funeral, but in the meantime, West and Coe has really smoothed the path for us.

I felt we should stay in Mum's room until the gentlemen from West and Coe arrived. I played all the songs Mum knew and sang along to; we all sang with great gusto and Wendy played a few tunes as well.

At last, David and Liam arrived to collect Mum. They left us alone for a little while as we said more prayers for Mum; and then it was time for them to take Mum to the car; time to go.

When Mum was safely ensconced in the car, we all went out to say goodbye, and watched as they drove her away.

How strange it all is; and how quiet the house is.

I rang Registrar's Office and got an appointment for Wednesday morning; and then we sort of sat and took stock. I started to make a list of what I have to do - it is a long list.

We had already had discussions about how Mum would like the service to be when we can hold the funeral, and what hymns to sing. Wendy volunteered, "Praise My Soul, The King of Heaven;" I know Mum would like "All Things Bright and Beautiful;" Grandma also had "Abide With Me." Finally, we also agreed to include "Bind Us Together," which might be considered more suitable for a wedding, but the sentiments are equally valid for a funeral.

Wendy found out that the Revd. Ricky Panter, who conducted Grandma's service, retired in 2017, so we shall have someone new to meet.

When we can all travel again, we will go up to Liverpool for a day or so, to meet the Vicar and talk to him about Mum, and arrange the time and the music.

How quiet the house is, with so much to get used to.  And we are still looking in on Mum, and seeing if she is o.k... and if she would like a cup of tea....