It's Been A Difficult Day
There are certain days when we jog along merrily; others when things go really well; and then there are the days when you feel you have taken at least one step backwards.
When Mum couldn't manage to bear her weight on her right leg, and "twiddle" herself around to sit on the chair/glider/bed, and we realised she would have to be hoisted most of the time, was one such day; today has been equally difficult, from the point of view of Mum not understanding what she was doing.
Before I went to bed at about 2.00 a.m., I checked on Mum, and she was sleeping gently; I left her a few more tissues in a box on the table, and felt happy she was just fine.
At some point before the carers arrived, Mum managed to take down her knickers and remove two pads - there is a small No 6, that fits inside the night pad, which is much bigger, and also comes with (very) sticky tabs - two each side - to make sure everything stays in place. She must have been very determined to take everything off, but take everything off she did, which meant the carers found her "in a bit of a pickle." They dealt with it all magnificently, and got her clean and changed; we took control of all the bedding, which had to be pre-washed, and then washed at a high temperature. As a final hurrah, as the carers were getting Mum ready to be hoisted into the chair, Mum then spent a penny, which involved another complete change of bedclothes.
There are times when I think I shall never keep up with the washing. I know we have a machine, and it is efficient, but it is the sheer volume of it, that gets me down. Another problem is getting the sheets/blankets/plastic sheets dry. It's not too difficult in the summer time, when the weather is warm, but it's a different story in the winter. Airers and radiators end up being festooned with bedlinen. And I do get a bit despondent.
Today has been what we a call a "fiddling day" - no sooner had I made the bed, than Mum pulled the blanket off; in the end, I left the blanket off altogether, and didn't replace it until she was ready to go back to bed for a nap. If I put a table cover on the table, ready for her dinner, Mum pulled it off and started to tear it into little strips; she had a catalogue to read through, which suffered the same fate. It was one of those days when you needed eyes in the back of your head.....
And Mum couldn't understand why it was better to leave things where they were and how, if she doesn't, it means doing the same job twice, or three times, over.
I expect in another 24 hours, it will be better. Mum will be more communicative, and more helpful as we try to help her; and I shall feel more hopeful!
Sunday 22 July 2018
Monday 16 July 2018
A Little Sketch...... Mum Is Very Perspicacious!
A Little Sketch: Mum Is Very Perspicacious!
We all know Mum can be very slow eating her breakfast/dinner/supper; it can take a lot of encouragement, and a lot of reminding. to get her to keep going. This can be very repetitious!
This evening, I took in Mum's tea and cake and started her off, feeding her with a couple of spoonfuls of cake. (Very often, once she has got the idea, Mum will then carry on feeding herself, and make a good job of it; but, before that happens, she has to be in the "routine" of helping herself).
Having another family member to keep her company, I deemed it would be a good time to sort something out for my own dinner.
Alex: "Now, Ma, have another spoonful of cake.....Not too much, now, and make sure you swallow that mouthful first, before you take any more...."
Pause, whilst Mum chews and swallows.
Alex: "Now, Mother, I'm going to go and have my dinner. Alright? Now, you eat all your cake!"
Exit Alex, Stage Left
Phyllis: (Very loudly): "She's very bossy, isn't she!"
Even though she is off stage, Alex hears this, and has to stifle her laughter.
Phyllis: (Going off on a tangent): "The pussy cats are in.... They don't want to get wet!"
We have had no rain for some time, and the evening temperature is uncomfortably hot. The poor cats lie stretched out in front of any fan that offers respite from the heat. A little rain would be welcomed by the cats (and us)! Where does Mum get the idea it is pouring with rain?
We all know Mum can be very slow eating her breakfast/dinner/supper; it can take a lot of encouragement, and a lot of reminding. to get her to keep going. This can be very repetitious!
This evening, I took in Mum's tea and cake and started her off, feeding her with a couple of spoonfuls of cake. (Very often, once she has got the idea, Mum will then carry on feeding herself, and make a good job of it; but, before that happens, she has to be in the "routine" of helping herself).
Having another family member to keep her company, I deemed it would be a good time to sort something out for my own dinner.
Alex: "Now, Ma, have another spoonful of cake.....Not too much, now, and make sure you swallow that mouthful first, before you take any more...."
Pause, whilst Mum chews and swallows.
Alex: "Now, Mother, I'm going to go and have my dinner. Alright? Now, you eat all your cake!"
Exit Alex, Stage Left
Phyllis: (Very loudly): "She's very bossy, isn't she!"
Even though she is off stage, Alex hears this, and has to stifle her laughter.
Phyllis: (Going off on a tangent): "The pussy cats are in.... They don't want to get wet!"
We have had no rain for some time, and the evening temperature is uncomfortably hot. The poor cats lie stretched out in front of any fan that offers respite from the heat. A little rain would be welcomed by the cats (and us)! Where does Mum get the idea it is pouring with rain?
Sunday 15 July 2018
One Amazing Afternoon!
One Amazing Afternoon!
Well, it took a lot of organising, and I am always aware of the old adage, "There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip...." but our trip to take Tea at the Ritz on 14 July went without a hitch.
There are a lot of things that need to dovetail - our lovely wheelchair accessible taxi driver had to be booked; the carers were very helpful in making all the calls at a time to suit the schedule, and Mum needed to be in a good mood, and co-operative when getting ready to sit in the wheelchair. And all that is quite apart from my need to complete a "six month's dockyard job in only 40 minutes," to get myself ready on time as well!
We are still in the middle of very warm (hot) settled weather, and at least didn't have to worry about rain lashing down or bitter blasts of biting wind blowing on Mum as she was decanted into the taxi. It was also a bonus that my long hair stayed in place!
Over the past couple of days, there have been demonstrations in London and we thought these might affect our journey; we allowed extra time for that, and arrived at The Ritz quite early. We sat in the lounge and had a chat, and took photographs, until Grandson Al and his girlfriend Hannah arrived.
We were all sad to see the beautiful Ritz Fine Jewellery shop had closed, with the new Ritz Cigar Shop in its place. Wendy and I entered its portals to see how the space had changed; it now has the atmosphere of a gentlemen's club, with lots of pictures of famous cigar-smoking chaps adorning the walls. The private side room, which previously had been used for special customers of the Ritz Fine Jewellery, is now a humidor, with fine cigars stored in optimum conditions.
As two ladies, Wendy and I definitely felt a tad "out of it;" this was confirmed when the men in our party went round the shop, and were warmly welcomed as prospective customers. Clearly, no-one considered that I, too, might light up the odd £80.00 cigar when I'm sitting in the rocking chair on the back porch..... along with my corn-cob pipe!
That aside, the Manager of the Palm Court made us so welcome; in a few minutes, the ramp was in place, up and over the stairs, and Mum was wheeled to our table. It always feels as though you are among friends - so many of the staff know and remember us, and make sure we have everything we would like. They certainly go the extra mile with their attentive care.
Mum tucked into the (specially ordered, on plain white bread and butter) cucumber sandwiches; I always ask for extra butter, and a little salt, to add to them, and she also took some cheese sandwiches on tomato bread, from the main menu. I don't know if she remembered she had enjoyed those the last time we were at the Ritz, but they went down well.
Tea at the Ritz gives me a couple of hours to escape from the daily routine; the time always passes so quickly, but I can only say that all the preparations, all the effort that everyone put in to help make the day successful and enjoyable, was worth it! For two hours, I feel really energised, and can forget that everything will be back to normal tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.
The carriage may have turned back into a pumpkin, and the coachmen are now mice scurrying away, but....! there is another date booked for Mum's birthday. I have already decided what I shall wear...
Well, it took a lot of organising, and I am always aware of the old adage, "There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip...." but our trip to take Tea at the Ritz on 14 July went without a hitch.
There are a lot of things that need to dovetail - our lovely wheelchair accessible taxi driver had to be booked; the carers were very helpful in making all the calls at a time to suit the schedule, and Mum needed to be in a good mood, and co-operative when getting ready to sit in the wheelchair. And all that is quite apart from my need to complete a "six month's dockyard job in only 40 minutes," to get myself ready on time as well!
We are still in the middle of very warm (hot) settled weather, and at least didn't have to worry about rain lashing down or bitter blasts of biting wind blowing on Mum as she was decanted into the taxi. It was also a bonus that my long hair stayed in place!
Over the past couple of days, there have been demonstrations in London and we thought these might affect our journey; we allowed extra time for that, and arrived at The Ritz quite early. We sat in the lounge and had a chat, and took photographs, until Grandson Al and his girlfriend Hannah arrived.
We were all sad to see the beautiful Ritz Fine Jewellery shop had closed, with the new Ritz Cigar Shop in its place. Wendy and I entered its portals to see how the space had changed; it now has the atmosphere of a gentlemen's club, with lots of pictures of famous cigar-smoking chaps adorning the walls. The private side room, which previously had been used for special customers of the Ritz Fine Jewellery, is now a humidor, with fine cigars stored in optimum conditions.
As two ladies, Wendy and I definitely felt a tad "out of it;" this was confirmed when the men in our party went round the shop, and were warmly welcomed as prospective customers. Clearly, no-one considered that I, too, might light up the odd £80.00 cigar when I'm sitting in the rocking chair on the back porch..... along with my corn-cob pipe!
That aside, the Manager of the Palm Court made us so welcome; in a few minutes, the ramp was in place, up and over the stairs, and Mum was wheeled to our table. It always feels as though you are among friends - so many of the staff know and remember us, and make sure we have everything we would like. They certainly go the extra mile with their attentive care.
Mum tucked into the (specially ordered, on plain white bread and butter) cucumber sandwiches; I always ask for extra butter, and a little salt, to add to them, and she also took some cheese sandwiches on tomato bread, from the main menu. I don't know if she remembered she had enjoyed those the last time we were at the Ritz, but they went down well.
Tea at the Ritz gives me a couple of hours to escape from the daily routine; the time always passes so quickly, but I can only say that all the preparations, all the effort that everyone put in to help make the day successful and enjoyable, was worth it! For two hours, I feel really energised, and can forget that everything will be back to normal tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.
The carriage may have turned back into a pumpkin, and the coachmen are now mice scurrying away, but....! there is another date booked for Mum's birthday. I have already decided what I shall wear...
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| Mum and me at The Ritz 14 July 2018 |
Wednesday 11 July 2018
Hasn't It Been Hot!
Hasn't It Been Hot!
You'd think that after all those years of living in East Africa, I would be pretty well unfazed by any heatwave that might come our way in the UK - but I found this first week of July quite enervating.
Mum, on the other hand, never seems to think she is particularly warm. I do monitor her temperature because I suspect her "mental thermostat" might not work as well as it should - in fact, on one of the hottest days so far, she actually asked me if she could put on her cardigan! When we are all gasping and fanning ourselves, Mum can be sitting serenely in her chair, looking around for her woolly hat.
On warm summer days, we like to get Mum in her wheelchair and take her in the garden for a while, where she can sit and enjoy the flowers and watch the butterflies - and how the cats try half-heartedly to catch one - but with the fierce heat we've had recently, I haven't risked it. Once Mum is out of doors, she can be very reluctant to come back into the house, and I worry that even if she believes it isn't that hot, she will indeed get overheated. She doesn't know when she has been out long enough.
It's a bit like the times when her brain is clearly not receiving the message that her stomach is full. We've had many occasions when Mum had polished off a very large dinner, followed by a cup of tea and several After 8 chocolates, and 10 minutes later, she is asking when her dinner will be arriving? Again, she doesn't know she has had enough to eat.
We have booked another date for Tea at the Ritz, and I'm hoping the weather will stay dry for that special day. Mum knows we are going, and is looking forward to it so much - another occasion when she will be pampered by all the staff at the Palm Court, and have two hours to enjoy the specially ordered "very plain sandwiches - just cucumber on white bread and butter.....!" And I always ask for extra butter and a pinch of salt to go with the cucumber!
It's not only Mum who is looking forward to Tea at the Ritz; it's one time I can relax and enjoy myself on an afternoon away from the usual routine. The carriage soon turns back into a pumpkin, and our finery comes off when we get back home, but in the meantime, we're still creating memories to keep. I can hardly wait!
You'd think that after all those years of living in East Africa, I would be pretty well unfazed by any heatwave that might come our way in the UK - but I found this first week of July quite enervating.
Mum, on the other hand, never seems to think she is particularly warm. I do monitor her temperature because I suspect her "mental thermostat" might not work as well as it should - in fact, on one of the hottest days so far, she actually asked me if she could put on her cardigan! When we are all gasping and fanning ourselves, Mum can be sitting serenely in her chair, looking around for her woolly hat.
On warm summer days, we like to get Mum in her wheelchair and take her in the garden for a while, where she can sit and enjoy the flowers and watch the butterflies - and how the cats try half-heartedly to catch one - but with the fierce heat we've had recently, I haven't risked it. Once Mum is out of doors, she can be very reluctant to come back into the house, and I worry that even if she believes it isn't that hot, she will indeed get overheated. She doesn't know when she has been out long enough.
It's a bit like the times when her brain is clearly not receiving the message that her stomach is full. We've had many occasions when Mum had polished off a very large dinner, followed by a cup of tea and several After 8 chocolates, and 10 minutes later, she is asking when her dinner will be arriving? Again, she doesn't know she has had enough to eat.
We have booked another date for Tea at the Ritz, and I'm hoping the weather will stay dry for that special day. Mum knows we are going, and is looking forward to it so much - another occasion when she will be pampered by all the staff at the Palm Court, and have two hours to enjoy the specially ordered "very plain sandwiches - just cucumber on white bread and butter.....!" And I always ask for extra butter and a pinch of salt to go with the cucumber!
It's not only Mum who is looking forward to Tea at the Ritz; it's one time I can relax and enjoy myself on an afternoon away from the usual routine. The carriage soon turns back into a pumpkin, and our finery comes off when we get back home, but in the meantime, we're still creating memories to keep. I can hardly wait!
Tuesday 10 July 2018
Earth - One Amazing Day
Earth - One Amazing Day
Among the programmes Mum really enjoys watching are those about the natural world - she likes David Attenborough's Planet Earth, and there are other wild life and nature films that capture her attention too.
Sometimes I wonder if she is really following the programme, or if it is simply a series of scenes passing before her eyes, and just as quickly forgotten.
We were watching Earth - One Amazing Day, an interesting take on what was going on over 24 hours on the planet, when some footage showed a large brown bear in the forest.
The camera followed the bear's progress, and soon it came to the base of a tree, and began to climb up it.
I could see Mum was very engrossed and - as if to prove she really was paying attention - suddenly she came out with:
"I wouldn't like to meet him on a walk in the park!"
Collapse of Alex with laughter.
"Ma, you're absolutely right! We wouldn't want to meet him on a walk in the park!"
Among the programmes Mum really enjoys watching are those about the natural world - she likes David Attenborough's Planet Earth, and there are other wild life and nature films that capture her attention too.
Sometimes I wonder if she is really following the programme, or if it is simply a series of scenes passing before her eyes, and just as quickly forgotten.
We were watching Earth - One Amazing Day, an interesting take on what was going on over 24 hours on the planet, when some footage showed a large brown bear in the forest.
The camera followed the bear's progress, and soon it came to the base of a tree, and began to climb up it.
I could see Mum was very engrossed and - as if to prove she really was paying attention - suddenly she came out with:
"I wouldn't like to meet him on a walk in the park!"
Collapse of Alex with laughter.
"Ma, you're absolutely right! We wouldn't want to meet him on a walk in the park!"
Monday 2 July 2018
Just When I Was Feeling Despondent.....!
Just When I Was Feeling Despondent....!
When I sat down to write something on this blog on Saturday night/Sunday morning, I was feeling quite weary, and thinking how quickly the days fly past - and all I seem to do are the same things, day in, day out. When I looked back over the week (or 9 days, as it happened!) in one sense it was good to know the wheels had kept turning; we had all been fed and watered, and Mum was and is eating well. It's just that sense that maybe you are running to stand still, and there hasn't been time to do anything else - and it's a struggle to be creative and produce original work when you're tired.
Then I read an article in yesterday's Sunday Express, by a lady called Lynne Wallis, writing about her mother, who died three months ago, at the age of 95. Her Mum had been in five care homes over 13 years, and Lynne was lamenting the fact that her Mum had not been well taken care of.
It made me realise we are in fact fortunate to be in the position of being able to take care of my Mum at home. I know not everyone can do this, or cope with the strain of looking after a very elderly relative with dementia, but in my Mum's case, the days when she is really happy and co-operative make caring for her easy; balanced by the times when she can a nightmare, we try and remember that it's all part of the problem!
What does help is knowing that my Mum is surrounded by her family, who really take care of her - making sure she eats and drinks, encouraging her to sing, to do some exercises, to hold a pencil and draw, to watch TV and help her to follow the programmes.
If Mum was in a home, we all know it would be simply impossible for her to receive that level of loving care and attention; like Lynne Wallis, I would be constantly worried about what was going on, and how Mum was being treated.
People have suggested putting Mum in a home for a short respite period, but my gut feeling tells me, her downward spiral would be swift, and it would most likely be impossible for her to return to the level she enjoys at the moment.
There is the other side to consider, too: I think God sets us challenges, and I hope to keep finding the strength to rise to them!
When I sat down to write something on this blog on Saturday night/Sunday morning, I was feeling quite weary, and thinking how quickly the days fly past - and all I seem to do are the same things, day in, day out. When I looked back over the week (or 9 days, as it happened!) in one sense it was good to know the wheels had kept turning; we had all been fed and watered, and Mum was and is eating well. It's just that sense that maybe you are running to stand still, and there hasn't been time to do anything else - and it's a struggle to be creative and produce original work when you're tired.
Then I read an article in yesterday's Sunday Express, by a lady called Lynne Wallis, writing about her mother, who died three months ago, at the age of 95. Her Mum had been in five care homes over 13 years, and Lynne was lamenting the fact that her Mum had not been well taken care of.
It made me realise we are in fact fortunate to be in the position of being able to take care of my Mum at home. I know not everyone can do this, or cope with the strain of looking after a very elderly relative with dementia, but in my Mum's case, the days when she is really happy and co-operative make caring for her easy; balanced by the times when she can a nightmare, we try and remember that it's all part of the problem!
What does help is knowing that my Mum is surrounded by her family, who really take care of her - making sure she eats and drinks, encouraging her to sing, to do some exercises, to hold a pencil and draw, to watch TV and help her to follow the programmes.
If Mum was in a home, we all know it would be simply impossible for her to receive that level of loving care and attention; like Lynne Wallis, I would be constantly worried about what was going on, and how Mum was being treated.
People have suggested putting Mum in a home for a short respite period, but my gut feeling tells me, her downward spiral would be swift, and it would most likely be impossible for her to return to the level she enjoys at the moment.
There is the other side to consider, too: I think God sets us challenges, and I hope to keep finding the strength to rise to them!
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