Mum's Dear Friend, Gertie
Back in the 1960s, having lived in a couple of different houses a bus ride outside of the city, my Mum and Grandma moved to a flat in Stanbury Court, in Durban. It was very central, and convenient for my Mum to be able to walk to work, and there was a Checkers supermarket close by as well, so very handy for the shopping.
My Mum and Grandma were very happy there, and the people living in the other flats in the block were kind and friendly, so it was a very good move.
Over the years, and especially after Wendy was born, Mum and Grandma flew home to England every couple of years or so. South African Airways flights were expensive and, as a woman, even though she was doing the same accountancy work as the male members of staff, Mum's pay was nothing like that earned by a man, so she had to save up very diligently to pay their air fares.
In 1980, we thought it was about time we took on some of the visiting commitments, so in the February, we flew out to Durban for 7 weeks - it was a wonderful time. Our holiday covered Bob's 50th birthday, our anniversary, my birthday in March, Easter, and Wendy's 7th birthday in April. It was quite a trip! We hired a car, and also fitted in a couple of visits to the Drakensberg: on the first occasion, we drove to Sani Pass, which is more in the foothills of the mountains, and on our second visit, we stayed at Champagne Castle, where the air is indeed like wine. You awaken naturally at the crack of dawn, but you are also nodding and ready for bed equally early in the evening! Other day trips (very long day trips, I hasten to add!) found us in the Valley of 1,000 Hills; Port Shepstone (a two hour drive there, and a two hour drive back- a long way from Durban to get afternoon tea on the South Coast!) where, for a short while when I was 9 years old, I went to school at St Dominic's Convent; and so much more. We also drove to the Oribi Gorge, which had been carved out by the Mzimkulwana River; at the time we were there, there had been so little rain, the mighty flow was reduced to a gentle trickle, so it took quite a leap of the imagination to picture the power of a river that had created such a deep gorge. You had to be very careful not to go in the water; there were signs up warning unwary tourists of the dangers of bil harzia, a parasite with an extremely specific mode of transmission. It is carried by a snail common in fresh water and will infect any unwary human - or animal - daring to go in the water; it enters through the tiniest opening in the skin, and is a horrible infection.
Apart from our sojourn in Champagne Castle, we took Mum and Grandma with us on all our sightseeing visits, and they really enjoyed it. We also took strolls along the Durban sea front, and thoroughly enjoyed spending time in the children's playground, where there were gentle rides and slides, and fun things to do. Grandma and Mum were game for everything, and Wendy was delighted with every moment we were there.
At the far end of the beach front was the multi-storey Fairhaven Hotel; positioned high up on the wall was the famed red neon Coca Cola sign, that at night would light up in a sequence: first, after the neon lights flashed into life, spokes lit up in turn, like the lines leading to the numbers on a clock face. Then these lines would go round and round, before flashing on and off for a time, before becoming completely dark for a few seconds. Then the lights would be back on, and the whole pattern would begin all over again.
It made a huge impression on Wendy, and she remembers it to this day; it was such a feature, and she wasn't the only one to be very sad to hear the sign had been removed, and no longer stands as a landmark at the end of the beach.
We also had the wonderful opportunity to meet Mum's dear friends and neighbours, and especially a lady called Gertie. She was such a dear and faithful friend, and after our holiday was over and we had to return to England, we stayed in touch all the years afterwards, writing letters and of course keeping the contact through my Mum and Grandma, who remained in Durban.
After our trip, Mum and Grandma made the decision to return to England permanently. After so many years in East and South Africa, it was quite a difficult decision to make! but they realised conditions in the UK had improved considerably since they had lived up north in the 1940s! We now had central heating, and cars had heaters, so the cold weather was not an obstacle to put them off such a life-changing move. Gradually, Mum made all the arrangements, organising the furniture to be packed and ready for transporting back to the UK; their flights were booked for the end of March, 1985.
But then disaster struck. Two days before they were due to leave, Grandma had a fall, and broke her hip. She had surgery to fit a Richards Pin and Plate to mend it, but it meant that instead of them coming home to us, Wendy and I flew out to Durban to be with them. Grandma was in hospital for 6 weeks, and made gradual progress; she had daily physiotherapy, and was encouraged to get out of bed and start walking again with a zimmer frame. I took heart when she was flirty and teasing the young physio therapist (she said: "If I learn to walk, will you take me dancing?" and his immediate reply was "You learn to walk, and I'll definitely take you dancing!") but it became more a case of one step forward and then two steps back.
I was also sad to observe how little the auxiliary staff understood about people who were deaf. Grandma could lip read very well, but you had to attract her attention and then she would know to look at you whilst you talked to her; in the hospital, catering staff would come in to the door way of the ward, with a trolley of lovely hot drinks, and call out, "Tea? Coffee? Milo?" but of course Grandma couldn't hear them! and so she would miss out on a nice cup of tea.
After 6 weeks, Grandma was discharged from hospital, and we were so worried about Mum having to cope on her own, looking after Grandma; but Wendy and I had to return to London and at least, before we left, we saw her back in her own little bedroom at home again.
Mum did her best to keep her going,
but it was all downhill from then on, and Grandma died at home, on 6 June. She was 91 3/4, but I am sure, if it hadn't been for the misfortune of the fall, Grandma would have lived to an even riper old age. She was always full of energy, had all her marbles, and was ready to help Wendy when she was learning French at school; she always had hope for the future, and plans for doing things.
Grandma
passed away just into the early hours of the morning, and Mum was
terribly upset.
Of course, Mum rang us as soon as she knew Grandma had gone; to this day, Wendy hates getting phone calls in the early hours of the morning, they bring back memories of a very sad time, and it was made even more difficult, by the fact Mum and Grandma were so many thousands of miles away.
We had already decided that we would bring Grandma home to England. We would have the funeral service here, and
she would be laid to rest in the family grave in Liverpool; but there
was so much to be organised, and Mum was grateful for every bit of care
and help she was given.
Although it was the middle of the night when Grandma died, Gertie proved how strong and close her friendship with Mum was; she came to Mum, and stayed with her and Grandma, bringing comfort and strength during the long dark hours until morning came, when Mum could start making the phone calls to the Doctor, and the Funeral Directors.
Mum never forgot how kind and understanding Gertie was, particularly on that night; and I stayed in touch with Gertie until she passed away in 1995. We were very sad to have lost such a dear friend, and her warmth and kindness live on in our hearts.
How wonderful it is, that this April we have finally been able to meet up, and strengthen still further our ties of love and care with each other's families.
There are some really good and kind people in the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment