A Strange Exchange Between Mum and Bob

A Strange Exchange Between Mum and Bob

Bob went in to see how Mum was. 

"Where are you?" asked Mum

"What do you mean, 'Where am I?'" he replied

Then Mum asked, "Where are you buried?"

"I'm not buried anywhere!" came Bob's reassuring response.

Mum's next question was, we suppose, quite logical:

"You're not dead yet, then?" 

It is hard, sometimes, to keep a straight face! and Mum did not pursue the interrogation any further.

Christmas Celebrations

Christmas Celebrations

So where was I with Christmas?

With all that has been going on with the oedema problems in Mum's legs and now torso, Christmas seems like such a long time ago! But it did go well; we were all together and, even though she was very sleepy, Mum sat with us at the dining table for Christmas dinner.

Al came up from Portsmouth to spend the day with us; I got the turkey on bright and early - a very large turkey crown so, although it was still very heavy to get in and out of the oven, at least there were no legs adding to the weight! and nothing was wasted.

I did really well, cooking the dinner; the timing was just right, I remembered the Yorkshire puddings (I don't like them, but everyone else does!) and to prepare the stuffing as well; the Brussel sprouts were peeled and ready, and everything got cooked in the right order. Amazing, really!

I do like to make an effort at Christmas, and birthdays; there's always an appropriate cover on the table, with festive napkins and crackers, and it's nice to have a special background for the meal.

Mum was very sleepy on Christmas Day, but she perked up enough to be taken in her wheelchair to the table; Al and Wendy helped to feed Mum with some dinner and her tea, and it was lovely to be together for an hour or two.

We helped Mum to pull a cracker; her hands were really not strong enough to grip the end, but we did our best, and hoped she felt part of the party.

After the meal, we went into the lounge and opened a couple of presents by the Christmas tree, but Mum was very dozy, and fairly slumped into the chair. We tried taking a couple of photos, but it was difficult to raise a smile from Mum; it's no good forcing it, so when the ladies came back - earlier than usual, as it was Christmas Day, and they also needed to have some much-needed time with their own families at home - Mum got to bed and settled down.

We carried on opening presents from our loved ones and friends - a very gentle and happy time for us all, and we reckoned when Mum is more awake and aware of what's going on, we would open her gifts with her then.

Dinner time on Christmas Day, 2019

Mum with family Christmas cards and presents -
and finding a smile!

Mum Has A Good Night

Mum Has A Good Night

I go in to see Mum a couple of times before I go up to bed myself; usually she is fast asleep, and I just make sure she is still covered up and comfy, and whisper a quiet "Good night, God bless."

Last week, I went in at 1.00 a.m. - Mum was still awake.

"Are you o.k?" I asked.

"Oh, yes, I'm fine," she said. Then she added, "What do you think of the idea if we could all live together?"

I said, "I think that would be a great idea!"

"So do I," agreed Mum.

"We can talk about it in the morning," I said.

"Yes, let's talk about it in the morning."

Now, this may not seem like much, but it always lifts my heart to hear Mum like this - even if she hasn't twigged she is really living with us already, it's wonderful when she is so positive and responsive!

I carried on working for another hour, playing catch up on bits and bobs that I wanted to get finished; finally I was also ready for bed, so I looked in on Mum again.

She was still semi-awake; I said, "Night-night!"

"Night-night," Mum replied.

"Are you happy?" I asked

"I'm very happy!" came back Mum's positive response.

And then she did settle down and slept well; and her good humour carried on in the morning, when the ladies came to get her up and washed and dressed, and she was chatty and co-operative!

A Little More Conversation...

A Little More Conversation...

Vicky came in, bright and early, to wash and dress Mum; she said, "Hello, Sweetheart!"

Mum beamed. "That's a nice name," she said, "that's so kind!"

However, she then told Vicky, she couldn't have a wash.

"The Doctor said I was not to wash with wet water," said Mum.

Then Mum went off on another tangent:

"My Mum is sleeping in a different room," she told Vicky, "so I can't take you home, because she's not very well."

Then she added, "The Doctor came to see my Mum on Sunday!"

Where did that come from? Perhaps from when Mum's GP visited her on Friday? It may still be in Mum's memory, but just not associated with the right person.

Mum Has To Stay In Bed

Mum Has To Stay In Bed

Since November, Mum's legs have been swelling up when she has been sitting in the chair, and subsiding when she has been back in bed, although gradually, over the past few months, the problem has been getting worse.

Suddenly, on Wednesday, 19 February, Mum's arms and torso were also very swollen, which was extremely worrying. The ladies were reluctant to hoist Mum out of bed in case the sling put too much pressure on her skin, and ruptured it. On Thursday morning, I rang the surgery, and asked if it would be possible to get a home visit for Mum; we were coping well with the oedema in Mum's legs, but this was something new. 

Unfortunately, the Doctor wasn't there, but the receptionist, who also knows Mum well, promised to put in a request for a home visit after surgery finished on Friday, and we were happy to go with that.

In the meantime, it became a whole new way of working, trying to sort things out for Mum whilst she is lying in bed. The main worry is that when we wash her hands and brush her teeth, water will be spilled and cause a whole raft of problems if we need to change the bedding.

We came up with the idea of using several inco (incontinence) sheets, draped over Mum and the sheets, with one also around her neck, a la a barber's shop assistant ministering to a customer. 

These sheets are very strong and plastic backed, and worked well; we managed to do all the things we normally do when Mum is sitting in the chair.

This new swelling is very visible - the area around Mum's back is rock hard, her arms are swollen, and so are her thighs.

We raised the bed up both at the head and feet, and hoped that would help.

On Friday afternoon, the Doctor came to see Mum; she said the best thing for the moment was for Mum to stay in bed, and keep the bed raised - as we are doing already. Because of Mum's great age, she was reluctant to prescribe diuretics, but if Mum becomes breathless, to phone the surgery, and she will prescribe a low dose for Mum.

The trouble is, I think we know that if the water retention becomes too great, it can effectively drown you, and we really want to try to alleviate the problem as soon as we can - if we can!

We also realised that if we put both the head and leg sections of the bed in the "up" position, this means the fluid is certainly draining downwards, but it will all be going into Mum's lower torso area - her tummy and thighs - so it was decided to concentrate on raising her head up to the greatest degree that was still comfortable for Mum, and hope that it will have a satisfactory effect. 

After 24 hours, on Saturday, it looked as though her arms were less swollen, and although our main hope is that the oedema will improve enough for her to be in the chair again for some time during the day, thus far we have managed well with washing Mum's hands, brushing her teeth and feeding her in bed.  

We can still watch t.v. from the bed, and I have been showing Mum various pages of the big photo album I have put together for her, with all the pictures, photos and birthday cards she had for her birthday. Having the cards in an album is a much better idea than just keeping them loose - I've mounted one card to a page, and Mum can still open each card and read the messages inside.

It's taken me quite a while to do, as I wanted to make sure it was as good as I could make it! and Mum certainly seems to enjoy going through it. What a wonderful proof she has of so many people - not just us, her family, but folks from all over the world, are thinking of her and wishing her well. 

The Difference Between Night And Day

The Difference Between Night And Day

Night:

Mum has developed a habit of clutching one arm with the fingers of the other hand. She is enormously strong (oh that she could channel that strength and power to a good purpose - like standing up!) and applies such pressure to her skin that it bruises incredibly quickly. Mum's skin is fragile anyway, so it doesn't take much for horrid livid bruising to come up.

Mum had had a very sleepy day anyway; after being washed and put in a fresh nightie in the morning, she had slept on; when the ladies returned at lunch time, Mum was still sleeping, so we left her for another couple of hours or so. Sydney and Valentina came back at 3.30 p.m. for an early tea call; Mum did get up then, and sat in the chair. We always worry about leaving her in bed for too long, as we know it's important to clear her chest if she needs to, and we also wanted to get her face and teeth cleaned, and make sure she had some tea, and her pills.

We also got the dinner ready, and she tucked into that, and she enjoyed a slice of her favourite coconut sponge cake and a cup of tea as well. It was a bit of an effort to stop her up-ending the cup, or putting her hands in the food, but we managed it!  We thought her knee might be causing her some pain, and she was happy to have some "fizzy pop" - her name for effervescent paracetamols - and that seemed to work fine.

We also noticed her right arm was very badly bruised, and there was a large purple area up by her elbow. When Sydney and Valentina came back at 7.30, they were really concerned about it, as they thought the skin might be broken - it was so badly bruised, it wouldn't take much!

I rang the District Nurses, and when the gentleman fielding phone calls answered, I explained the problem, supported by Sydney who gave her opinion about the severity of what Mum had done to her arm. The gentleman said he would report it at once, and that a District Nurse would call us back.

In the meantime, it was decided it would be best to get Mum into bed; it was one call earlier than usual, but Sydney and Valentina said they would come back at about 9.30 - 10.00 p.m. at the usual bed call time, to make sure everything was alright.

A little while later, a District Nurse rang us back - she is someone who knows Mum, which helped as we explained what the problem was. She suggested sending a District Nurse to see Mum in the morning - it is a Nurse we have seen before, and so who also knows Mum, and we agreed that would be o.k.

I then got out some crepe bandages - until today, it's always been Mum's legs we have had to watch, but now I did not want to leave her arms unprotected overnight either. It was a bit rough and ready, but I got a good thickness of bandage up and down Mum's arm, and hoped it would do the job!

Sydney and Valentina came back for the night call, and checked Mum was alright; she was sleepy, so we didn't disturb her. They were also worried in case she had not spent a penny; they checked her pad again and it was dry, so it was decided we would try to get a urine sample in the morning and take it round to the surgery for a check.

At about midnight, I looked in on Mum, and she was half-awake; I adjusted her pillows, and she said,
"Oh, that gave me a fright!"

"Oh, I am sorry!" I said. "Are you alright now?"

"Yes, I am," Mum reassured me.

"Well, you have a good night's sleep and I'll see you in the morning."

"Shall we all stay together now?" Mum asked.

"Of course we will!"




Day:

The following morning, Mum was bright-eyed! Vicky and Stacey arrived to wash and dress Mum.

Mum said to Vicky, "What's your name?"

Vicky said, "It's Victoria!" and then Mum asked, "Do you know my name?"

"Yes!" said Vicky.

"Oh, you're so kind!" said Mum, "bend down and let me give you a kiss!"

So Vicky did - and in the end received three kisses from Mum!

Mum was really happy.

Vicky explained that a few mornings ago, Mum had asked her the same question:

"What's your name?"

"It's Vicky," said Vicky - but Mum didn't seem to understand, so Vicky put it a slightly different way:

"It's Victoria," she said.

Quick as a flash, Mum had come back with, "Oh, like the Queen!"

It just goes to show Mum is still in there; somewhere in her head, all the information is still available, it's just recalling it all in the right order that can be a problem!

Whilst the ladies were tending to Mum, the District Nurse arrived and saw what we had done to try to protect Mum's arm. She put fresh bandages on, and gave us more dressings so that we can continue trying to prevent Mum from doing any more damage. The thing is, Mum's skin can recover quite quickly, if only Mum will stop doing what we have christened, "The Clutch and Claw" move!

After the ladies left, we got on with the usual routine of washing Mum's face and hands, getting her teeth brushed, making tea and cornflakes, and giving Mum her pills.

Mum was so chipper this morning - chatty and bright - even if she did get a lot of things wrong in relation to who we all are!

She carried on asking if I was her Mother - "Are you Mam?"

"No, Ma, your Mum is in Kirkdale, in Liverpool. I'm your daughter."

"Oh." Then: "Are you my sister?"

"No, Ma, you never had a sister - only two brothers."

"Oh."

There followed a lot more to-ing and fro-ing - was she married to someone? Where was Johnny-Boy? ("In Australia!" I answered truthfully)

Then came the best question, that I loved:

"Are you a pussy cat?" Mum asked.

"Of course I'm a pussy cat!" I laughed. Well. We all love cats in this house! So why not?!

Stacey and Vicky

Stacey and Vicky

This morning, Mum's lovely carers, Stacey and Vicky, breezed in to see Mum and tend to her; when Mum was sitting in the chair, Stacey combed Mum's hair and arranged it into two bunches. 

Mum looks so sweet and so much younger with that hair style, and I said, "It takes years off her!"

Stacey said, "Oh! I've got a little present for your Mum!" 

She had left it in the car, and ran back to collect it.

Stacey had bought Mum some beautiful hair clips and she slid them over the bands holding Mum's hair in place. Mum was thrilled to bits, and I was so touched and delighted at Stacey's kindness. 

It was such a wonderful thought, and I reckoned it should not go unrecorded! I grabbed the camera and Stacey sat by Mum whilst Vicky held up a cuddly rabbit Wendy gave Mum last Easter, persuading Mum to smile for the photo. 

Caring is a demanding job, but it shows how much more our lovely ladies put into it - it's not just about washing and dressing Mum, it's also about making her feel special and pretty and loved. 

And they do.

Mum and Stacey

Vicky and Mum
(26 September 2019)

Mum's Ankles Become Swollen

Mum's Ankles Become Swollen

Shortly after all the birthday celebrations for Mum, we noticed her ankles - and legs - were swelling up. Apart from the odd times when one of her knees might be swollen due to arthritis - and which would reasonably swiftly go down again - it was quite frightening, to see how large her legs had become, in such a short space of time.

Once a month I go to a poetry session at the local library, and the December meeting was dedicated to a free choice of work, but in fact focussed mainly on sweet and savoury nibbles; we had just got into our stride, and I had had my turn to perform a poem, when I felt my mobile phone vibrate. It was worrying news that when the ladies had arrived at 4.30 p.m. (and after I had left for the Library, of course), they had got Mum up, and noticed the skin on her leg was weeping, and dripping water. To begin with, they had thought perhaps her pad had slipped! but then realised Mum could not possibly have soaked all the sheets that way, or that far down.

I left the meeting straight away and drove home; in the meantime, the District Nurse had been called, and she promised to come round and see Mum as quickly as possible.

We kept calm and carried on giving Mum her dinner, and were very impressed when the head District Nurse arrived a couple of hours later. She examined Mum, and put dressings on her leg and bandaged it up, leaving us with a bag full of various pads and more bandages. We said we would call the Doctor in the morning, in case there was some infection present, and Mum needed antibiotics.

Well, it was quite a shock to see this development in Mum's legs; I know oedema is common, but to see the skin stretched so tightly that it splits, and water leaks out of it, is a complication we could well do without.

In the morning, I rang the surgery, and our lovely GP came round later in the day. She said she did not think Mum's leg was infected, but gravity was causing the problem, and so in future we must try to keep Mum's legs elevated as much as possible.

Mum usually gets up for breakfast at about 9.00 a.m., and then goes back to bed at 12.30-1.00 p.m, for her afternoon nap. The ladies come back at 4.30, when Mum gets up for dinner, and then she is back in bed by about 10.00 p.m.

The problem is, it would be better for Mum to be in bed a lot more to alleviate the problem with her legs, but then that's not very good for her chest! and it's difficult to strike the right balance. After this problem began, we started experimenting with various footstools and cushions, to elevate Mum's legs whilst she is sitting in the chair.

Sometimes it has worked well, but at other times Mum will kick the footstool over, and lose any elevation altogether! We also bought another table for her, as sitting with her feet up meant the original table was now too low, and she kept bumping her knees underneath it.

Since then, we have had regular visits from the District Nurses, and we also now ourselves regularly change any bandages on Mum's legs. We have to take care, because bandaging them securely enough so that everything stays in place in bed in one thing - the swelling goes down when she is lying in bed, with her legs raised, but once she is up and in the chair, if her legs start to swell, the bandages can then be too tight, and cut into her. We have seen it once or twice, where her flesh has been bulging over the top of the crepe, and that can become painful for Mum. It's quite a balancing act, but we are getting better at it, and forecasting what we need to do, to make Mum really comfortable.

The original chair we bought for Mum nearly 8 years ago, was very nice, but all the adjustments and leg height variations we were trying to achieve for her, had to be made by dint of footstools and cushions. The carers knew what we were trying to do, and then Home Sweet Home Care made a wonderful suggestion. They told us they had a superb, electrically-controlled leather chair, with all the options of reclining or sitting up available at the touch of a button, with a foot rest that could be raised to lift Mum's feet to an optimum level. They thought it would be ideal for Mum, and we would be very welcome to have it

With help from the lovely people at Home Sweet Home Care, we got the chair home in the New Year, and installed it in Mum's bedroom. Apart from all the obvious medical benefits, it is such a beautiful chair! Made of mellow, buttery leather, it is deliciously soft, and Mum is so comfortable in it; if she dozes off for a little while, it supports her perfectly well.

It is such a boon, and so very kind and thoughtful of Home Sweet Home Care to think of Mum; we feel very blessed to have it.