Ever since I can remember, Mum has been a finicky eater; she has always had a pretty good appetite, but likes everything placed on her plate separately - the fish or meat on one side, the potatoes on another, and veg set apart from the rest of the food - and no gravy. She likes to see what she's getting for dinner.
She has also always been a slow eater - just like me, she cannot rush her food, but takes time to chew every mouthful properly. (My Grandma used to say, "Chew each mouthful 32 times - once for each tooth!")
After she broke her ankle in November 2011, which was the start of a 4 1/2 month stay in hospital, I took all Mum's food in to her every day; she had more teeth in her head then, and I didn't need to mash things up - she was certainly quicker in those days.
Fast forward to 2018: six years on, and Mum has slowed down considerably; with the dementia, she doesn't really concentrate on eating, and is easily distracted. Of course, there are times when she will feed herself, but at most mealtimes, she needs a lot of help.
Feeding Mum with her dinner can take over two hours; breakfast takes longer than that. Mum loves cornflakes and I do not stint on the amount I put in the bowl, along with a pint of full cream milk - she can still taste the difference between full cream and semi-skimmed - and she has to take her pills. Supper is also quite lengthy, even if it is only tea and cake. At every meal time, apart from making sure Mum eats the food, we have to make sure she drinks her tea. She will pick up the cup, but then may only take a sip, or wet her lips in the tea; this means she usually needs feeding with that, too.
If all this sounds gloomy and time-consuming - we spend on average about 7 1/2 hours a day concentrating on Mum's nutrition - I try to view mealtimes not so much as tiresome tasks (although they certainly can be!), but more like social occasions. We watch t.v., talk about the cats, and I often ring up friends both here and overseas. Mum likes to talk to these friends as well - if she has known them for a long time, she remembers things from their shared past and experiences, and it all helps to stimulate her, and make the time pass pleasantly. If she is not rushed, Mum will eat every morsel of the food on her plate - and there is a lot of it!
When they found out how much time I spend (for example) on giving Mum her dinner, some carers could hardly believe Mum would take that long over it, and made comments like, "When we feed clients, it only takes half an hour....!"
My reaction was, "Well, then, please come and try to give Mum her dinner in that time." I also reminded them that when we go with Mum for Tea at the Ritz, we get 2 hours to enjoy it - perfect timing for Mum.
One carer asked me, "Have you ever tried your mother on Complan?"
Mum has never liked any sort of milkshake. Although putting all the elements of her dinner separately on her plate no longer works, and I do have to mash everything up, it is not blended or pureed; it is a proper dinner. In addition to whatever meat or fish we may be having, every day Mum has peas, carrots, swede, parsnips, turnips, cauliflower and spinach, as well as some boiled potato. I think we satisfy the "Five a Day" criterion, and if Mum is eating and enjoying proper food, why on earth would I want to take that away from her, and put her on meal supplements?
One day, just after I had dished up Mum's dinner on a 10" plate, complete with a good seasoning of pepper and butter, I took a photo of it. The picture will never make the pages of a cookery magazine, but when I showed it to the carer, she was very surprised.
"Can Phyllis eat all that?" She sounded amazed.
"She certainly can," I said. "If you allow her the time, and have the patience to feed her, slowly and steadily, she will eat the lot!"
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| Mum's delicious dinner |
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