A Trio Of Short Scripts

A Trio Of Short Scripts

1) TRYING TO SORT OUT WHERE MUM'S MOTHER IS

(Various members of the family are with Mum)

Mum:  (as if it is the first time she has asked the question):
Where's my mother?

Family: (trying to get Mum to remember)
You know where she is

Mum: (more insistent):
Where is my mother?

Family: (giving up)
She's in the family grave in Liverpool

Mum (demanding more information):
What is she doing there?!

Family:
She's dead

Mum (a bit indignantly):
She can't be dead! She was here this morning!



2) WE ARE ABOUT TO HELP MUM TO BRUSH HER TEETH:

Family:
You're going to brush your teeth in a minute

Mum:
Oh, tea's alright - I'm not keen on coffee

Family:
No, no, not tea.... you're going to brush your teeth.

Mum:
Oh, alright - I prefer tea.

Family (giving up):
O.k., we'll bring you some tea in a minute.....



3) MUM REVEALS SOME AMAZING NEWS

When Mum was taken to hospital a a few weeks ago, after all the tests were complete, the doctor decided she could be discharged. She was taken to the Discharge Lounge, to wait for an ambulance to  bring her back home.  One of us always stays with Mum, and whilst we were waiting, she beckoned us over.

Mum (whispering conspiratorially):
Come here! I want to tell you something!

Family gathered round:
Yes, Phyllis? What is it?

Mum (directing her attention one person at a time):
I want to marry you!

Family (all very non-plussed):
Well..... that's nice.....

Before this can escalate, the porter arrives to take Mum out to the ambulance, to be brought home.

The next day, Mum is up bright and early, and being taken to the bathroom by the Carers. We mention Mum was proposing marriage the previous afternoon.

As Mum is wheeled into the bathroom, she whispers to the Carers:
I have something to tell you!

Carers:
What's that, Phyllis?

Mum: (excitedly):
I'm pregnant!

It is all the Carers can do, to keep a straight face.
That's nice, Phyllis!

Carers (to Alex):
Your Mum has some good news!  You're going to have that little brother or sister you always wanted!

Alex:
So that's why Mum wanted to get married yesterday!

Happily, a few minutes later, Mum had forgotten all about her big news; but how I wish I could know how her mind sorts out all these ideas into what clearly makes perfect sense to her.