Overriding Mum's Bad Mood

Overriding Mum's Bad Mood

Mum woke in the early evening from her afternoon nap in a very bad mood. The carers were helping her to transfer to the glider, and Mum had a real "go" at one of them.

"Get out! I don't like  you!" she yelled. Compared to some of the screaming fits Mum can get into, this was mild.

The younger carer took it in her stride, and retreated for a while, leaving the older carer to deal with Mum.  It worked well, and soon Mum was back in the bedroom, and sitting in her chair.

There was an interesting wildlife programme on t.v., where the animals had been fitted with lightweight cameras and filmed each other, with fascinating - and sometimes hilarious - results. Mum wasn't following it very closely, she was more engaged in taking handfuls of tissues out of the box, and arranging them in an oblong pile on the table.  Tissues are really expensive, particularly at the rate Mum gets through them - at one point, she was disposing of 6 and a half boxes a day, so we told her not to take such a wedge, but just take out one at a time from the box.

This did not go down well. "I buy them!" she insisted, "you can't tell me what to do!"

I am always wary when Mum gets into a strop with anyone, in case it spills over to the rest of us, after which she might start refusing to eat or drink. On those occasions, I always try to tempt Mum into having something - if only a few sips of tea - but that can also backfire.  When she is in a really mutinous mood, she will sit with her lips clamped shut and reject any suggestions we might make. On other occasions, she might momentarily agree to have a mouthful of tea, and take a sip, but then refuse to swallow it, and spit it straight out again.

I have been known to remonstrate with her: "Ma, why on earth are you spitting out a perfectly nice drink of tea?!"

"My mother taught me to do it."

"No, she didn't - my Grandma did not approve of anyone spitting!"

"Yes, she did!"

Or:

"You've put something in it!"

"Of course I haven't.  It's just a lovely cup of tea, with fresh full cream milk in it."

"I'm not drinking it. You've put something in it."

Which is the point at which I give up.

If there is time to leave Mum alone for a while, it may be long enough for her to forget what it was that upset her, and she will click back into what we call "normal mode." In that case, she will eat and drink something.

I do worry, because I am aware of the importance of keeping up her fluid intake. This evening, I decided to take a very positive approach, and try to override any remaining grumpiness.

I made Mum's tea, and a slice of her favourite coconut sponge cake. I didn't ask the question if she would like some supper; I simply produced it, and strode purposefully into the bedroom.

"Hi, Ma!" I said, "I've made you a lovely cup of tea! Look!" I held out the mug of tea for her to see it.

"Is that strong enough for you?"

"Oh, yes, that's lovely." (Her approval didn't mean she would actually drink it).

"Good!" I put the mug down in its usual place, always well away from Mum, while it was still hot.

"And I've got you a lovely slice of coconut sponge cake - your favourite!  And what an interesting programme you've got on the t.v! Just look at all those animals, with tiny cameras - they're filming each other!"

I kept talking non-stop, so that Mum couldn't get a negative word in edgeways, and carried on like that, in a very firm, positive tone, for what felt like ages, but probably only fifteen minutes or so.  I laid a cover on the table, put down the bowl with the cake, and started feeding Mum.

Whilst she was eating, I kept up a running commentary about the programme, and by the time we got to a section on meerkats, Mum was in a different frame of mind. The final "Winterwatch" programme followed, and Mum became quite engaged by it; she also finished every last crumb of cake and every last drop of tea.

Sometimes you just have to get in there, and be determined and positive things will turn out well. It doesn't always work, but if Mum can be distracted from her bad mood, the odds are in your favour!