I Am Getting Ready For Christmas

 I Am Getting Ready For Christmas

It feels really strange this year. I always start the preparations for Christmas nice and early - I don't like a rush! and I enjoy all the wrapping-up of presents, and getting them ready for dispatch to far-flung places - as well as those lovely folks closer to home. When I'm writing the Christmas cards, and letters to go with them, it's a great time to think of everyone, and catch up on news - maybe not just with a letter or an e-mail, but with a phone call as well. 

But it is different this year. With all the problems thrown up by the virus, and restrictions on travelling and visiting, I am sure some people may feel it will be perhaps better to leave all the festivities off the agenda. This is I can understand - but I take a somewhat different view. 

Yes, it is more complicated, and because we can't see dear friends and loved ones, rather than our usual trips both here in England and in Europe to deliver our gifts personally, more parcels will have to be sent - which means being more organised, even earlier than usual!

Apart from being careful to follow the guidelines to protect ourselves and others from the virus, my main sense of sadness is that this is the first Christmas without Mum. 

Because she died early in the year, on 23 March, since then we have had a lot of "firsts" without her. There was my birthday on 28 March; Easter, and Wendy's birthday in April, and other usual jollifications that have been noticeable by their absence - particularly Mum's birthday on 28 October. She would have been 101!  and there was a strange void in not having to book Tea at the Ritz, and organise a wheelchair accessible taxi for us all on the day. 

And now we are thinking about Christmas. This time last year, in spite of all her disabilities, Mum was so very helpful when I was wrapping up presents. We did everything together, and she was a dab hand at holding down the wrapping paper whilst I got stuck in with the Sellotape, to hold it all in place. 

I am so glad we were able to do that as a team; it took us a long time, but what good times they were, working together! I've got so many happy memories.

 

Today is Mum's Birthday

Today Is Mum's Birthday

It's 28 October, and today Mum would have been 101 one years old - or young! 

It's a strange feeling, all these "firsts" without her around to celebrate with us - my first birthday without her back in March; Easter; Wendy's birthday; and now her own birthday is here again. 

It's comforting to think back to the week-long celebration of her centenary birthday last year, including Tea at the Ritz, with the Birthday cards, not only from all of us, but from the Queen and the Minister for Work and Pensions as well, on the table. It was such a lovely time, and everyone made such a fuss of Mum. The visit to the Ritz was on the Saturday (Mum only liked taking tea on a Saturday!) and we had people visiting on the Sunday, and of course on the Monday, her actual birthday.  She had so many cards and flowers and presents, and messages, phone calls and e-mails; and afterwards, I put everything into a traditional photo album, which she really enjoyed looking through, and remembering everyone who had thought about her. They were happy days!

I know nowadays many people rely on keeping photos on their phones, or in the cloud (whatever that is - and however it works!) but you cannot share photos using those methods with someone like Mum. When I had finished preparing it, she had a proper, physical album to hold, turn the pages, look at all the cards I fixed inside, and re-read all the messages. I am so glad I got it everything done in good time, and she was able to enjoy looking through the album and see how much everything thought of her, and about her; right to the end of her life, she was happy for me to hold the album up and turn the pages for her, so that she could enjoy it. 

I know I'm overly sentimental, but I noticed the Happy Birthday banner we put up over her bed last October is still stuck on the wall! I am not in a hurry to bring it down, it makes me happy to see it up there! but in due course I will add it to the last page of Mum's Birthday Album.

We all still feel Mum's presence around us, and today I have received messages and phone calls from folk both in England and abroad, spending time chatting and happily reminiscing about Mum and her life. 

So, today has been a bittersweet time; we are sad that she isn't here, but happy to remember the good times, and the gentle way she left us on 23 March this year. 

I think it's worth attaching again, the photo from the Tea at the Ritz, as a reminder of a great day, and a memorable celebration. 

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BIRTHDAY POEM 

 

It’s not every day we celebrate

A great centenary year

And now that you’re one hundred

It’s time to raise a cheer

 

For so many things that you have done

You’ve travelled far and wide

To Africa in all its ways

With Grandma by your side.

 

You’ve worked in jobs demanding much

But the pinnacle of your career

Was to land a top post in Treasury

A male-dominated sphere!

 

There have been seismic changes

But you’ve coped with every one

And risen up to do your best

And come out well and strong. 

 

We’re a family small, but large on love

You’re our universal glue,

Helping and encouraging us

To stay steadfast and true.

 

So we can celebrate with love

And congratulatory cheer

This special gathering at the Ritz

Now that your birthday’s here.

 

 

Alexandra Wilde

 

I Have Been Under The Weather!

 I Have Been Under The Weather!

If anyone has been wondering why it took me over three weeks since Mum's funeral to post a piece on how sweetly it all went, and another fortnight to publish this piece on my blog, let me start with a very heart-felt warning:

Do NOT go out at dusk, unless you are covered from head-to-toe in material that offers protection from gnat/midge bites. I did go out, sans covering, two days before Mum's funeral and, as wisdom comes from learning from other people's mistakes, I hope this post will prevent someone else from providing a meal for the early evening flying squad.

We had everything prepared for Mum's funeral on 18 September, and were getting ready to drive up to Liverpool on Thursday, 17 September, which entailed a very early start to avoid the worst of the traffic. I had set my alarm for 4.00 a.m., to give myself nice time for a cup of tea and a Weetabix, before leaving at about 5.00 a.m. So far, so good. 

However, one last job remained: to let our lovely neighbours have our telephone numbers and check that everyone who knew we would be away, would be able to keep in touch with each other. Our neighbours are really kind and helpful, and one family also had a set of keys. On Wednesday - early evening, just as it had turned to dusk - I thought I would "nip out" quickly,  to give the lady next door the information. I was outside for less than a minute - she also said she thought the midges were out and about, and didn't want to linger, so I gave her the piece of paper, thanked her so much, and was back indoors in seconds. 

Seconds, yes; but long enough for the sharp mouthed gnats to snap open their jaws and their white, starched table cloths, and tuck in all down my right leg; a little less enthusiastically down my left leg, and one deposited a delightful bite on my right thigh. 

I realised I'd been bitten, but not the extent to which they had gorged on me. With all the other things to check on, and make sure nothing was left behind, I slept Wednesday night; got up early on Thursday, and we all set off for Liverpool as planned.

I was still unaware of how badly I'd been bitten! and with the solemnity of Mum's funeral, and the course of the Church Service taking priority, I didn't realise quite how things were progressing. Getting out of the limousine at Kirkdale cemetery, I noticed the red lump on my right thigh; as I stood up, I quickly made sure the skirt of my dress was discreetly pulled down to cover it. I thought not much more about it, and concentrated on the final part of Mum's funeral at the graveside.  

Then I was distracted by the celebratory tea at Panoramic 34, although by then I was beginning to feel a bit weary; considering all the travelling we'd done, and the emotional day we had just had, it was not surprising I was tired.

Because Al had to work the next day (Saturday), after the tea at Panoramic 34, he and Hannah had had to leave to drive home; when we got back to the Hotel, the intention was to have some dinner, and get a reasonably early night, but I really did not feel like it - the dinner, that is, not the early night! - and I was happy to have a Caramel Apple Betty pudding, and a pot of tea, and leave it at that. 

We got back home on the Saturday evening, and it became clear how much the gnat bites were affecting me. I had large lumps from every bite, and some were so close together, they had formed one large mountain chain-like area, creating a continuous swelling. None of the sites was itchy - they were just very painful.

I bathed them, smothered Germolene all over each area of attack, and got some rest. The next day, the Pharmacist recommended I try a topical antihistamine cream, with the proviso that if I was still worried/the bites were no better, I should contact my GP. 

Who would guess 60 seconds out of doors could cause such disruption to one's well-being?!  

The bites continued to aggravate me, becoming so painful it hurt to have my legs on the sheets at night - even the light sheet over the top of my pins caused pain - and then I noticed my right ankle and foot were very swollen, which really worried me. I tried sleeping with my feet raised up on a pillow, but that did not help very much. 

Because of concerns with the virus, it is very difficult to get a face-to-face consultation with a GP, but I at least managed to get a telephone call with a doctor at my practice. After I'd explained what had happened, and the way things were going, he prescribed a week-long course of antibiotics for me; I had had to take some antihistamine medicine as well. 

Because I can't get tablets or capsules down me (I gave up struggling with them years ago - and it's no fun trying to take pills in jam, or squidging out the powder from a capsule onto a spoon filled with marmalade) I had to remember to request everything be prescribed in a suspension, and at least it was all available. The antibiotics were pretty horrible - I had to take four doses a day, on an empty stomach, which meant one hour before, or two hours after, food. Because I am such a slow eater, this meant it was difficult to time the four doses at equal distances, but I managed, and at last they began to take effect. 

Slowly, the lumps became less painful, and the mountainous ridges became more discernible as the individual bites they once were. It's now over a month since the midges did their work on me, and at last I can feel each lump is getting smaller; but what a salutary experience it has been.

I have learned my lesson well: NEVER to go out at dusk unless I am completely covered up and well protected again the little blighters that bite large. 

 

 

Mum's Funeral

 Mum's Funeral

Well, we made it! and it was well worth waiting nearly six months for. It was a wonderful send off for Mum; her funeral was moving and inspirational, and an uplifting experience; she was certainly an inspiration to us all, and to everyone she met during her long life. 

We might have been small in number in the Church, but we made up for it in raising our voices in prayer and praise, and giving Mum the send-off she - and we - wanted. 

We were very aware that, because of the restrictions imposed by the virus, many people who would have attended the Service, could not, but we knew their thoughts and prayers were with Mum, and us. 

I had sent the Order of Service to people all over the world, and they had come back to me to say they would be thinking of us at 12.00 noon UK time - even if, with the time difference involved, it meant being up at 5.00 a.m! and they would be with us and singing with us. 

Wendy was  in wonderful voice, singing Bind Us Together with Bob on the guitar, and she also gave the reading from 1 Corinthians, Chapter 1, verses 1-13. I spoke about Mum, and how I knew everyone who knew and loved her, wherever they were in the world, was thinking of her, and us, as we celebrated her life. Even if they could not be with us in Church, they were thinking of us. I also read the poem again, that I wrote for her 100th Birthday, and had its debut last October, in the Palm Court. Al came forward and talked about his Great-Grandma, and his fond memories of her; and then David, our dear friend who now lives in England, spoke so warmly about Mum, and the friendship she and his mother had enjoyed in Durban, all those years ago.  

Mike, the Vicar, gave the Eulogy - he included everyone and everything that Mum had done in her life, tracing it from her birth in Liverpool on Grandma's third wedding anniversary, to being with us at the end. He also remembered Uncle John in the prayers, so we felt the circle had been completed. 

After the Church service, Mum was laid to rest in Kirkdale cemetery, with her elder brother, Austin, her father, John Woods, and her Mum - my dear Grandma, Alice. We know she is with God, but for this Service everyone took such good, gentle care of her, treating her, and us, with sensitivity and respect.

At the graveside, I saw the two gentlemen who had prepared Mum's grave, and as we prepared to leave, one said to me, "Don't worry about your Mum; we'll make sure everything is done nicely, and we'll tuck her up safe and warm." For us, that was the most perfect and understanding thing to say.

We were then driven back in the limousine to the Funeral Offices in Broadgreen, where we had parked our car. Then we drove into Liverpool, and found parking in the centre, where we could walk through to Panoramic 34, a beautiful restaurant at the very top of the West Tower, with magnificent views over the whole of Liverpool; the weather was superb, and the visibility could not have been better; the Liver building was below us, with the ferries going to and fro across the Mersey, and Birkenhead and the Wirral lay on the other side of the river, with the Welsh hills in the distance. We had a champagne cream tea at Panoramic 34 - it seemed very appropriate to have an echo of the cream teas at The Ritz that Mum so enjoyed on so many happy occasions.

Before we left Liverpool on the Saturday, we went back to Flowerbug, and saw Jo and Tom, the florists who had been responsible for creating the posies and the floral spray for Mum, and thanked them so much for the beautiful display. We were very impressed by the way they had followed all our requests and chosen beautiful blooms. 

We then went on the Kirkdale cemetery, to say "Goodbye" to Mum - for now, at any rate; we shall be back more regularly in future. We saw the cemetery staff had arranged the flowers on top of Mum's grave in the form if a cross; we were very touched  by their thoughtfulness. Little things mean a lot!

I know we have to take care and act sensibly, but I think we must maintain an element of positivity as well, and be able to look forward to the future. In a few years' time, when things have calmed down, we'll look back on this era as part of our history, but hopefully without the fear so many people have at the moment. I am sure there will come a time when we shall be able to meet up with all the people who were thinking of us on Friday, 18 September, and have a chance to catch up, face-to-face. 

The flowers on Mum's grave

Kirkdale cemetery, Liverpool

 

We Are All Prepared

We Are All Prepared

It doesn't feel like nearly six months have passed since Mum died; and under normal circumstances, we would have arranged her funeral earlier, and the Service would have taken place within a very few weeks of her passing.

Instead of which, it has been rather like being in limbo, with Mum well taken care of by West and Coe, the Funeral Directors here in the south, whilst we waited patiently for the time to come when she could be collected by Cravens in Liverpool, and taken back up north.

And we have waited patiently; it is no good railing against things you cannot change. I remember my Grandma saying, it's best to know the things you can change; accept the things you can't change; and have the wisdom to know the difference!

We certainly knew we wanted to wait until the time came when we could have Mum's funeral conducted in the way she would have wanted; although there are still restrictions in place, and limited numbers allowed to attend, we can now sing and celebrate her life through prayer and praise.

We will follow all the guidelines to ensure everyone's health and safety, and although we may be very few in the Church on Friday, there will be people all over the world who knew and remember Mum, and who will be thinking of us, timing their thoughts at all the different times to coincide with the start of Mum's Service at 12.00 noon in Liverpool. To our minds, it doesn't matter where anyone is on earth; they have all been sent a copy of the Order of Service, and will be singing with us and keeping Mum, and us, in their hearts and prayers.

I am sure we shall feel everyone's loving thoughts surrounding us all.

A Tribute To My Mum, Phyllis

A Tribute To My Mum, Phyllis

I was asked by one of the reporters on The Liverpool Echo, to write a tribute to my Mum; I worked on it with Wendy and Al, and this is what I sent off to the newspaper:

My Mum, Phyllis, was loving and patient; a wonderful mum and good friend to so many people.

When Mum and I lived in Dar-es-Salaam, I remember trips to the beach, both of us eagerly searching for unusual shells. She also made all my ballet dresses, sewing the net into classical tutus. She supported me in everything I wanted to do, whether writing, singing or dancing – she was there, with my Grandma, for every show.

To her grand-daughter Wendy, Mum was a dispenser of sweets and treats, not usually available from her parents, a tradition that extended to her great-grandson Al, who has fond memories of circling items in the Argos catalogue - always sure that his dreams would be met! 

My mum always demonstrated kindness, generosity and wisdom; ever there to encourage and support, to offer advice, and to meet challenges with a wonderous tenacity. She had an indomitable spirit, overcoming many hurdles in her life with good humour. She gave us all, the most precious gifts: her love and her time. She will be missed by everyone who knew her. 

We Have Been Busy

We Have Been Busy

Since Wendy and I went up to Liverpool last month to make the arrangements for Mum's funeral, the days have passed by almost in a flash. We have been busy, designing and proof-reading the Order of Service, and making sure everyone is primed about timings, etc. I also arranged for an Announcement in the Daily Telegraph, which will go in on Saturday, 12 September.

That was quite an interesting exercise in itself, mainly because it is extremely difficult to talk to a human being for advice; they all want you to go on line and Do It Yourself, but I am not good at DIY, and needed some guidance. It's also very expensive to place an Announcement, and I didn't want to find that if I had rewritten it with, say, one word less, I could have saved a lot of money: Mum would not have been pleased!

In the end, I left an answerphone message on a news desk telephone number, asking if someone could help me; to my relief, a short while later, a lady rang me back, promising to forward my request to a human being, and get them to call me on the landline.

Perseverance pays off: In due course, a very helpful gentleman called, and went through every word of the Announcement with me. He also advised me on the best day to place the announcement - Saturdays are good, because these are the days with the highest circulation - so we plumped for 12 September. He provided precisely the kind go advice I wanted, and guided me to the most effective wording.

I then got in touch with the Liverpool Echo. Again, it was almost impossible to speak to anyone directly! and I left an answerphone message on the news desk telephone number, giving a brief outline of Mum's life and asking if they might be interested in running a piece about a very interesting Liverpool lass.

To my delight, one of the reporters got in touch and said they would like to write about Mum, He asked, "Do you have anything written down about her? and do you have any photographs?"

"I certainly do!" I said, "and I can get them over to you by lunch time!"

I immediately set to work, creating a little set of a story about Mum and 8 photos - of Mum as a girl with Grandma in England, and then on the Empress of Scotland, going out to East Africa; there were others of Mum in Durban, and with us at The Ritz on her 100th birthday, and another in the garden, with Blackie and Pushkin. I also included copies of a couple of articles Mum had written for Best of British and This England, and sent everything off by e-mail.

Presently, the reporter called me again, requesting a little more information, including a tribute to Mum.  I worked on this with both Al and Wendy, so it was a real team effort.

When I hadn't heard anything further over the weekend, on Monday, (7 September), I rang the Echo again. This time, to my surprise, I actually got through to another Editor, who told me the story had gone on line on 30 August. I was of course very pleased to hear it was out there, but also a bit disappointed that it might not go in the newspaper as well. I explained that as Mum had been over 100 years old, a lot of people that she knew were equally elderly, and it was very unlikely they would be using computers and apps to read the article; even their children would most likely be in their 70s and 80s, and may not be computer literate, either.

He understood what I meant; I said it would have been so important to Mum to know she would be featured in the Liverpool Echo, the city of her birth, and he promised to see what he could do. I can only hope something positive will come of it!

It makes me smile and exasperated in equal measure, at the carefree way most people under a certain age seem automatically to assume everyone, of all ages, will be able to access the latest information, using apps, tweets, Facebook, etc.  You name it, they think everyone is au fait with the latest technology; but we are not, of course.

I predict one day someone will pull a great big plug out of the wall, and all the computers will sigh gently and close down. We shall then have to resort to sending proper letters; speaking to each other in person; and having human beings manning switchboards, putting callers through to the relevant members of staff who can help. This will do away with the dire automated menus, interspersed with music to drive you mad by, and long lists of options - none of which applies to what you want to ask.

I have a suspicion that these things are specifically designed to put people off contacting a company; they just encourage callers to give up and put the phone down.

One day this may change! Then I - and others like me - shall be ready to ride in with my superb inter-personal skills, and save the day!